Donna's Journey

This is my response to a question asked by a friend on the yahoo group TJEDMUSE…

Dear, you are not alone. I read your letter and this is a struggle for many modern urbanites. Bear in mind, I am speaking generally about what I see and hear from mothers, and this may or may not apply to you.

> Time Management was a skill I did not learn as a youth due to a dysfunctional home (no one there really to teach me how to do it). I still struggle with it a lot. But I know that I am what I am because of my parents and it is my fault if I stay that way, so I am trying to improve in this area. But because I struggle with it, so do my kids.

Once upon a time, the demands of agrarian life imposed rhythms on us. People had to arise early to feed animals and care for them. Simple tasks such as bathing took time to draw the water from the well and heat. Laundry was taken to a stream and beat clean. Wood had to be cut and stacked or it would not be there when we needed it. In order to have a clean home and necessities provided on the Sabbath, the week got systematized. Monday wash day, Tuesday ironing day, Wednesday mending day…

Now we:

* Have hot and cold running water at the twist of a knob. We do not even need to wait to fill a tub, we can be showered, dried and dressed, before a tub can be filled
* Few of us have animals to care for, outside of house pets
* We can throw in a laundry load, pop dinner into the oven, and while those electronic slaves work, we can spend time with our family even head to the store if we need to, or perhaps read to a child
* Many fabrics are wash and wear, not needing ironing
* Many of us have gas or electric heat, it is run by a slave called a thermostat. For many of us there is no need to chop wood, except for ambiance.

What is the result? If there are no compelling reasons to structure one’s life, we tend to default and live by mood. Our great grand parents, more likely than not lived by rhythm rather than mood.

I see this lack of structure as a result of our society devaluing the core phase. Children from dysfunctional homes (what is normal? My daughter jokingly says, “I’ve seeeeen neeermal and it ain’t pretty!”) and children raised by caregivers in daycare, as well as, children whose parents were raised that way, are more likely to have these time structuring issues. Why? Simply because those situations are places where children are cared for, protected, and entertained, and less likely where they are engaged in a routine.

I see moms struggle to maintain a home and to home educate. When they are working on their home, they feel guilty because their children are being neglected. When they are focusing on school and the house is a mess, they feel guilty. I often see this with public schooled families, as well. Trying to make family and career work is a juggling act for many. Throw in a home business and you have an earthquake! There are solutions.

One thing to remember is that you can do it all, just not all at the same time. I believe that it is the structure of day in and day out family rhythms that provide the structuring of the time, that later academic success is built on. I call it the Ecclesiastes Approach, “1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…” Yes, I feel you need flexibility to follow epiphanies, yet, after all is said and done, structure prepares the scholar! We often refer to different areas of study as disciplines.

I feel that if a child is engaged in life rhythms in their core phase (pre and early school years) that they will have the habitudes of mind to engage in the love of learning, and sky rocket into a diligent young scholar. Nowhere do I see this more than in family work, done by rhythm. A parent working with a child is likely to finish the task, and do so diligently. Day in and day out, week after week, month after month, year after year- an example of diligence and finishing being a goal, rings loud and clear. The child learns from example and that adults finish. The same goes for quality. I do not think of adults doing a slipshod job when working with children. I really feel that doing family work by rhythm helps discipline the mind.

Too often, I see homes run by mood, where the child does not feel like doing this or that, as it is too much effort compared to the alternative of being entertained. Or the parent only cleans when it becomes too overwhelming. I have also watched as parents in exasperation throw up their hands and send their kids to school to “get structure,” so they will actually get something done academically. What they do not realize is that the same things that lead to school success are the very same things that can lead to success in the home. Charlotte Mason spoke of education being “an atmosphere, a discipline, a life.” I really feel if the atmosphere of the home is chaotic and by mood, it does not usually yield diligent and disciplined minds. I am not talking about a rigid mind. I feel that somehow the atmosphere of a disciplined life somehow disciplines the mind for thinking.

Many bright students, who qualified for college got there, only to waste their time, distracted by the endless array of distraction and activities, and end up either quitting or failing. A youth who has lived a disciplined life is more likely to rely on rhythms that have served them. I see the lack of self discipline, and the lack of study skills, shows. I find it hard to believe that a youth that has never studied more than an hour, our even four, would somehow be transformed into a diligent scholar the moment the parents leave him at the university door step.

> I’d love to get some input from those of you who feel you have a handle on structuring both your time and your kid’s time and how you teach them to manage their time.

I have fought through some of these issues myself. I have watched these tendencies in myself and among my own. I have also seen what family work and rhythms can produce in my home and family. I feel this is why it is so valuable to revisit and reevaluate all engagements that impede the structure and rhythms of a home. I know the toll that running a family business can take on home life. These few things can go a long way:
* Check the Pulse by self evaluating and counseling with the Lord- helps us see what needs to go, what needs to stay
* Counsel with spouse and family
* Adjusting and working towards rhythms that are ideal for your family is important.
This is dynamic and needs to be revisited often. Running a home is huge. Home education is huge. To combine them it helps to develop a discipline of personal and family rhythms. Throw in a home business or other demanding activities (or distractions) and you can get by for a while, but sooner or later you will need to consider the orchestration.

A simple structure is best. I do not believe in over structure or planning every minute. We all need margins in our life for epiphanies to be more abundant.

Life no longer gives us rhythms. We get to choose them. They are not prison bars, but rather like a default setting that we do unless something important causes us to do something else. Then when the important passes, we pick up our rhythm where we left off. If our present default is not working, perhaps it is time to revisit it. If our children lack structure in their studies, ask ourselves how we have prepared them to have a well disciplined mind. I believe that helping our children have structure in their lives, is part of sowing seeds of greatness in them.

It is time to check the pulse here! A great activity for Sunday.