Re: Advice Needed for Teaching Patience and Financial Responsibility
This was a question posted to TJEdMUSE- a yahoo group
HI everyone. My husband and I are needing advice about how to guide our 8 year old son. He’s a wonderful child with a lot of strengths, but one huge glaring weakness that worries us.
He is an instant gratification child and it hasn’t improved over time so far. We both feel a bit alarmed. He would sell his prized possessions for pocket change in order to buy something junky at the dollar store. I learned yesterday that he would spend $30.00 online in order to get a $15.00 item one day earlier. Double the money to get it one day earlier!! My
husband jokes that he’d take a penny today rather than wait for $10.00 tomorrow. But it’s not really funny.
My son readily admits that he only likes new things. Something he purchased a few days ago with money he earned is already junk in his mind.
We hoped that time and experience with earning and spending would smooth out these edges but we don’t see any improvement.
We don’t give allowance. We have real work to earn money. And a few times a year he gets cash from grandparents, but nothing much beyond that.
Does anyone have any ideas for how to go about guiding him?
Thanks so much.
Julie in CA
We do not do allowance either. We wanted to avoid the sense on entitlement, as well as, the “earn and spend” mentality
and the internal economy that goes with it. We feel that it is very important for children to work and gain a work ethic in their earlier years, before they earn money for their work. Which means we do not pay children to do work in our home. All work in the home is family work and is about serving each other, relationships, developing values, and habitudes. It is through family work that they learn concepts such as stick-to-it-tiveness, completing, quality, joy in the work, contribution, self worth, to value others, and more. So, family work becomes one major facet of character training.
I, nor my husband get paid money by my family for the work and sacrifices we make. If we need to earn money, we must look outside the home to do so. We also consider home a place to learn and polish our skills that would be used in the marketplace of goods, services, and ideas. Home is a great opportunity for field experience. For example, a child wanting to earn money mowing lawns, weeding, window washing etc., would need to first learn and then demonstrate quality work before we would consider them ready to work for others and be paid for it. Their work reflects on our family.
We do not feel that young children have any business on ebay. We do not do Santa lists/Christmas lists. We instead put the focus on developing skills through making gifts for each other, taking away the entitlement aspect of Christmas. When you are making gifts, you are less likely to get bent out of shape because you were given the wrong action figure or piece of electronics.
If children have “needs” or “wants” they are part of the family and it all gets evaluated. We endeavor to meet needs and wants, prudently. I do not get everything I want and I try not to foster that in my children. Even if I had all the money in the world I would not want to foster it. I also do not want to encourage the “things as gods” concept or work to get. I want to cultivate what Bastiat called the “Long View.” That includes tithing, short term, and long term savings before needs, and needs before self gratification.
Call me a stick in the mud. Fiscal responsibility is developed in early childhood in how and what we learn about our labors and the things of the world.