Donna's Journey

This was a question posted to the tjed.org site and I want to post my answer here…
Question: “I have been homeschooling my four children ages 9-13 for 4 years. My children were previously public schooled and within those 4 years I have had two of them return to school at their request for a season. I have basically done school-at-home with a little CM mixed in, up until this year. In my mind, nothing was working. All the boys wanted to do was play and I was getting panicky! Every attempt I had made to restore their love of learning that I thought the school snuffed out came to nothing. After reading a few books by John Holt I can understand why now. I have had very high or unrealistic expectations and wrestled with alot of fear. My oldest, a girl, is very self motivated and a visual/auditory learner so I am guessing that is why I perceived some “success” in this journey with her. But the truth is that I have simply coerced and forced learning without understanding the true nature of education at all.

I’ve been doing alot of reading, observing and seeking with much regret. I would really like to do this the right way. Is it too late to start over? Can and should I start at the Core phase even though they are older? (I really WANT to, I’m just not sure how it is possible!) My husband and I both have ADD and I see traits of it plus a few other LD in my children as well. I have already struggled these 4 years to get some sort of routine just for the sake of my sanity, not even realizing its value for their future development. If it truely is ok to start at Core with such older kids how do you do it when there is so much resistance? ( I need to add that my husband himself craves routine but cannot set one for himself or follow one I set up). I really feel in my heart that we all desperately need reconnection because we’ve built up so many defences with all the conflict.

Can someone also please highlight for me the differences between unschooling and TJed. Thankyou.”
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Answer:
Where there is a will, there is a way, but there must be the will sufficient to do the work to bring the change. Wanting it so, just is not enough. This will require strong desire, a lot of faith, and hard work. There is no silver bullet.

Core phase is not something you do and then move on. We never really leave a phase. We will be strengthening our core until we die. Think of core phase like the central core of a planet. A compromised or faulty core will affect the orbital trajectory of a planet. So it is important that we strengthen the core. It does not take long to strengthen and stabilize the core when children are older. I personally see the core phase as a time to build relationships, values, habitudes, habits and self discipline.

You mention they would rather play. When too many things, especially media, like TV and computer compete with learning then the distractions tend to win the day. So minimize the distractions.

The comfort of daily rhythms actually tend to soothe the ADD tendencies. Lack of Rhythms tend to make life worse. Too much Tv tends to exaggerate and even multiply ADD. Good exercise and fresh air seem to dissipate extra energy. Our bodies were wonderfully designed to move and act. So, if you increase exercise you might find that some children need a whole lot more.

You mention ADD behaviors. The food we eat and the life style we live often trigger or exacerbate ADD like behaviors. We live in a really laid back society. This had led to every man for himself meals, bedtimes, order in our homes by mood, and home school by mood. We have become a society of those who are acted upon rather than one of self initiative and self action. Our bodies and brains need nutrients as fuel. There are no minimum daily requirements for additives. If the brain does not have the fuel it needs to do its work, then attention is affected. If the brain has irritants then it cannot function optimally. If the body and brain do not get sufficient fresh air the mind can be affected. If the body does not have sufficient rest or sleep cycles are out of sync with the light of day, this too can cause issues. All of these things can impact learning, retention, and even emotional response.

The answer rests in becoming the change you wish to see through baby steps. Discipline your self. Read from your core book everyday. This is a faith based work. Prayerfully make a plan for meals and then work that plan. It is much easier to have meals on time when you have a meal plan and a method to carry it out. I suggest you limit computer and TV time for both your children and you. Most people are pretty good started, but finishers are rare in our culture. Finishing is learned in core phase, working with mom and dad. Some tasks to finish:
Make your bed, fold pjs and place under pillow.
Rinse sink and put toothpaste and tooth brush away after brushing teeth.
Rinse your dishes after a meal.
Put your dirty clothes in the hamper, not on the floor.
If you get it out put it away.
Wipe the counter, clean the sink, and sweep the floor when dishes are done.
Rinse the tub when you are finished using it.
Put the lid down when finished using the toilet so things won’t fall into it.

With some rhythms working for you, then you can focus easier on instilling a love of learning.

I feel that in core and love of learning phases TJEd is very parent led. While unschooling is not. Parents mus set the example of right living. They must also teach through their core book. In love of learning phase, children need to be exposed to many things and have the opportunity to explore knowledge and make proper connections. That does not mean work books and assignments. Many parents use the model of chores for school work. Some kids will comply, others will not. Most rebel because there are preferred available distractions or because like in divvied out chores there is a sense of isolation and tedium. A sense of futility and often a desire for the reward held out to manipulate them into doing something disagreeable they have been coerced to do.

Why not try family work? As they mature they will become more independent.

Love of learning is engendered in the family lifestyle. As a child develops his core value and values and adds to that a love of learning, it tends towards building the desire and ability for more rigorous studies.

Many boys develop later than girls, even by two or more years. Development can be delayed by distractions, even by lack of rhythms.

How is TJEd different from unschooling? There are so many definitions of unschooling. Some are totally child led. I do not see inspire, not require as a direction to leave kids to themselves. It takes discipline and initiative for an adult to inspire an child. Inspiring includes engaging with the child. To do that it is helpful to get our environment tamed, so that it works for us and not against us. When we tame our environment through rhythms then we free ourselves and are better able to expand our horizons and share what we are learning. We are also more likely to be less distracted and able to create a vision and map the course there. I do not see this in unschooling. There are some helps in the pages listed in the side menu of this blog.

Core starts with the parents and their maker and then expands out to include the children. We must begin with ourselves.