Donna's Journey

I have taken it easy this summer as I have worked to heal. Now the summer is ending and our lives have changed. New rhythms are in order. I worked out the logical order in which I wanted to run my day. Click here to see our proposed new schedule:Fall 2010. Notice I kept with large time blocks, because I was structuring the time.

What happens during family work? There are daily needs of a tidy home and some tasks do not need to be done more than weekly or monthly, both inside and outside. We take care of that first. Then I have the home divided into zones. We spend some time each day in deep cleaning and restoring the zone we are working on. Then there is mending, bread baking, sewing, and other domestic tasks. Sometimes these tasks take priority over zones, extending the completion of a zone by several days. This may happen when we are preserving foods, or finishing a major sewing project.

Zones
More on zones– Some zones may take only a few days, others a week or longer. I am not worried with trying to complete it all in a month. While we are working a zone, we clean and fix everything we can. If the paint needs a touch-up repair that is the time to do it. Zone one is the master bedroom and other bedrooms. Our rooms should be inviting retreats that engender rest, contemplation and the release of stress, and not a cave full of clutter. Then comes the storage areas. Seriously, they need a thorough going through on a regular basis. Why store stuff we never use? Seasons change about every ninety days. So, new things go into storage and others come out for use. If I am deep cleaning, I will find things that need to be stored. I do not want storage clogged with over burden. I need to bless someone else with it. Then I can start the rest of the zones with curb appeal and then through the main living areas of the house. The Living room, the kitchen, etc. I like this zone process, as I know that the house gets a thorough once over in a deep way, at least once or twice each season!

Leisure to Learn
Leisure to learn is time for me to inspire, but not require learning. I get to share my passion for learning and introduce my children to new knowledge, experiences, and learning relationships. A great time for reading aloud, Sowing Seeds of Greatness, a once a month circle luncheon, a once a week “Wild Day” nature walk, or a Crazy Day field trip!

Leisure to Learn, Create, and Play
Leisure to learn, create and play is the next category. This is a time where we have more choices. I may team teach a sewing class with my daughter. My son or daughter may choose to read, play with a friend, or create with their hands or minds. I may work on my Princess Academies or Moor House Academy websites, teach classes, create etc.

As we begin using and tweaking the rhythms, I will be posting over on Mahalo, Donna under the label of “8. Donna’s Cottage School.” I do not do it all, all the time. I keep variety withing the regular daily blocks of time. It can be as simple and slow paced as I need it to be. It can become as complex as I permit it to be. The key is, I need to be constantly aware and open to epiphanies within each block. Right now, this mom can hardly wait for school to start again!!!! Let the dance of time begin!

I read the headgates. A headgate is an irrigation diversion device. A way to take water coming along an irrigation canal and divert it for the good purpose of watering a specific area. If left open too long or in the wrong place it can cause more damage than good. My father in law lived at the end of an irrigation canal. Others would open headgates and water when it was his turn, not theirs and he would not get water. That was a disaster to his garden. What about the headgates in our lives. Are some of things getting more diversion to their cause than is wholesome and good? Are other areas of our lives being dried up because the wrong headgates are open? A little thought and pondering can help us come up with a workable plan whereby the right headgates are open, at an optimum time, and for wise duration. The answers will most likely come on our knees to our hearts and minds. No doubt about it, it will cause us to have to make sacrifices of effort and change our paradigm before we are done.

I have been a little hampered in my plans this summer to get the ditches in my life cleaned out so that I can close some headgates and open others. A severe respiratory illness followed by a fall with a brain-stem concussion has slowed me down, quite a bit. I did close some headgates dealing with where I spend my time, by consolidating and rethinking how I could better serve others in the homeschool community online. Especially by doing less, so I can do more in a meaningful way, with less time.

I really think that the first headgates to open or close should be our own personal ones. Then when we have become the change we wish to see (or at least have a good start in that direction), we can prayerfully discuss it with our spouse and consider what headgates are undermining our parenting, our family’s growth, and our and our children’s education.

The up side is that while I have been off my feet recuperating, I have been simplifying my perspective and commitments. While doing so, the stress has dropped significantly and with that the stress induced weight gain has begun to drop, as well. I was so afraid that with over 60 days of not being able to go walking I would balloon. I was so happy to watch the scale move in the other direction!

None the less, there is much to do, cupboards to go through, much to simplify, and I am yet unable to do those things, yet. Yes, an consider what toys and things to have around for grandchildren, as my youngest child is 11.5 and she is not interested in toys, She is interested in games so we need to consider the game closet. Perhaps a little more focus and pondering I can figure out how I will proceed, in a slow and steady pace. I am healing and I know a lot will happen in the next six weeks.

It is important to consider what headgates are flodding our children and distracting them from growth and development. What headgates are not being opened because the prominence of other headgates that are open. For most of us it is too many possession to maintain and distract us. What if we had to leave and live in a tent for a year, what would we really need and what could we really take?

We do need to help our children understand what is important in life and possessions and self indulgence is not it. If grandparents contribute to the problem and feel that buying love is how it is done, suggest an alternative, a good book, a classic movie (for movie night), tickets to the planetarium, recording their story, recording their voice reading their favorite book (complete with a whistle, jingle of a bell, or some other indication to change the page), tools to build with, sewing tools, cooking tools, etc. Something that fill their need and desire to grow up and develop skills. Swimming lessons. Garden tools or seeds for the kids to develop their own little plot of land. These are things that will endure in their lives longer than any toy. At Chirstmas children can make things instead of thinking that presents come from the store.

During the past two months I have not watched TV or movies. It is in the family room down stairs. Unfortunately, I feel that at least one of my children has had more viewing time than is prudent and that is a headgate that will need to close, not completely, as we do have ability to record worthy shows. Yet, the headgate needs to be closed during work and free time, in order to open the headgates to worthier work and leisure. I really feel that as our new rhythms take shape, more interesting and important things will crowd out the unnecessary kinds and times of TV viewing. However, if new rhythms are not established other ways of wasting or passing the time will creep in that are not so ennobling.

I kind of touched on computers before. We need to spend our precious time very wisely. Computers are an interesting headgate. They can be used to educate the ignorant, free the captive, heal the sick, cloth the naked, etc. or they can be a time suck. There is genealogy that can be done, indexing, correspondence, sharing. How are our computer moments spent? Do we need to close this headgate during times of the day so that the vital and important can flourish in our lives?

I do not think we need to go to a space where there are no toys, tv or computer, but I do think that serious consideration should be given to when those headgates should be open and closed. I also think we need to learn the difference between entertainment/amusement and leisure/recreation. Entertainment and amusement is a distraction and is meant to be so. Leisure is what you choose to do with your free or spare time when not working. Recreation means to rest and restore. It is a time to do things that re- create the vital energy within us. One is passive distraction, the other I see as an active though restful restoration. it could include a daily constitutional (daily physical activity like walking), swimming, playing a board game that causes us to think, gardening, even reading and learning. Yes, reading can fall under either category, it depends on how it is used.

So, yes, I do have headgates on my mind and in my heart. One thing that has come from this healing process, I have become more observant and am beginning to see what headgates need to open and close so that our House of learning and growth can flourish.

I think the last five posts gave you a view into my life. A recap since graduation…
* I did not move. We stayed.
* My oldest daughter got engaged to an awesome young man.

* I slipped on the ice while doing Bridal Boot Camp with my daughter and injured both wrists.
* My second daughter gave birth to my first grand daughter (at my home).

* My oldest daughter married and we catered the wedding.

* My daughter-in-law in California gave birth to her fourth son, my sixth grandson.
* I stepped on a twig while wearing heels, rolling my heel and sprained my ankle.
* I launched Princess Academies with my two married daughters!
* I launched the Princess Academies website, which I added most of the content.
* I tripped trying to step over a box barrier and separated my AC.
* I started teaching art classes in my home, through Moor House Academy. We had fun and my youngest was in the classes.
* My oldest daughter gave birth to my second granddaughter (at my home as well).

* I had four children move in a three week period and I assisted the new mom in her move and you guessed it, I tripped in the new apartment and fell. That night I went home and got sick.
Many of the above things were just part of being a mom.

Whew! Exhausted yet? I was!

* I got really sick with bronchitis and after 60 days am finally beginning to recover! At this point I began take stock. As I did, I began to cut way back. About this time I read Headgates.. This got me thinking deeper. I started this series of posts.

I closed down the discussion on my yahoo groups. I consolidated my blogs into Mahalo, Donna. I kept this blog and my Donna’s Recipe Box blogs. I taught at UHEA. I finished my art classes and did not start new ones. I started saying “no,” more often to outside things, so I can say yes more often at home. I switched lanes.

Sunday was my last Sunday as a missionary working at the BYU Family History center. I was called for a year. Has it been that long already?

Trusting God to care for our family. Though my husband is working hard on a project, no income yet. Things are in God’s hands. No, we did not get a tax refund. No we did not get stimulus money. No we are not on welfare, government or church. I am grateful for the Lord’s tender mercies, day to day miracles, and daily blessings. I realize our present situation is temporary. We will overcome. Challenges are where we gain the tools/skills needed for our journey. Meanwhile, I focus on changing lanes, slowing down, simplifying.

Yet, I have a little break. No more babies due in the near future, at least until 2011. No moves scheduled for the near future. I have two boys. One is living and working to earn the money to go on a mission. The other is 15. Their sister is 11, so it will be a while before another wedding.

Apparently, I needed more time doing less and less. I took a hike with my husband in the mountains, a short one, not strenuous. However, I tripped on a leaf covered root and fell headlong down hill and suffered a brainstem concussion and a twisted knee. I am so very grateful it was not worse! The concussion healed. The knee is taking longer, but is healing. Most of the simplifying has come by way of reducing outside commitments and having the rest of life grind to almost a halt. Lots of time to contemplate. Being ill and hurting has not lent itself to heroic efforts of decluttering and simplifying routines. Little by little, even those areas are visited as I change lanes and reconsider the rearing of my last two at home, our family rhythms, traditions, and possessions.

I had a huge stained glass project I felt drawn to create. I had nowhere but the dining table and all the glass and supplies came from donations. It took two months to create and assemble. At first, the drawing sat on the table and I was afraid to cut the glass. A friend offered me safety glass door to practice on. It would not cut. I thought I was nuts to have such a scheme. Then a thought came to me. Compare the thickness of the glass to stained glass. It was several times thicker. I got a piece of stained glass and it cut so easy. By the early weeks of December I left it completely alone as it had been fully distracting me. We ate Thanksgiving and Christmas standing and most meals in shifts at the counter. We have since remodeled the kitchen and could easily all eat at a portable table.

After Christmas I was determined to have the work and school done each day before I touched the project. Life simplified and we settled into the rhythms. The children chose to hover around me as I worked on the glass. Soon they were wanting to learn and do with me. I would let the eight and ten year old practice on scraps and they willingly worked as apprentices helping keep the dining room shop clean. My older daughter learned every step of the process.

After the glass project was completed in January, life rhythms held lean and steady from January through the fall. Chores were still a distraction. The heart of the home and the health of the family life was gaining strength.

In July, Julia and I were Invited to attend a Face to Face With Greatness three day seminar in Cedar City.

I had a local CM study group going again. We all just shared what we were doing on a specific subject, so it was pretty low stress, except for the monthly contact to remind people of the meeting. I opened a Momculture yahoo group to keep group members notified of meetings and to reduce time needed to contact them.

Continued in the next post…

We moved to Utah. The kids were placed in school. Chores still continued. We tried to regain some sense of rhythm. It was not long before we were back in the homeschool scene. We had fewer distractions for a while. I was introduced to the ideas of Charlotte Mason and we settled into a slower pace. Yet, chores were still there, a continual bane, definitely something I constantly worked to fix. Music lessons were added, violin for my oldest daughter and piano for the next daughter. My mother died young of an unknown terminal illness. Another baby joined our family and now we had six.

I still did not get it and life got more complicated. I had church callings and I started a CM study group. Then we added baby and now we had seven. I was not young anymore, I was 43.5 years old. Then a series of family crisis’ hit. My baby was only a few months old and my husband suffered a heart attack.

We moved into survival mode. Minimal maintenance. I took a lot off my plate and focused on the family. Routines and Rhythms were simple. But the stupid chores that had distracted us for years were held onto like some pharmaceutical addiction. God provided even when my husband could not. I will not enumerate the miracles here. My oldest was on a mission by now. His brother had graduated from BYU at 19 and was working to pay off college debt so he could go out too. The second leaving before the first returned. At this point there were no music lessons or outside activities except church related. Chores, walks, meals together, family devotions, read alouds, consistency prevailed.

Interestingly, when health of the body or the home is in crisis we move back to the basics!

Continued on in the next post.

A mother’s love comes through her nurture and is the heart of the home.

That is why it is so hard on the family when mother is distracted, whether through choices of preoccupation, cares of the world, or even through ill health. Distractions, choices, and health issues are all part of life. I feel it is important to realize this and consider the impact of these distractions and how they can be dealt with or in many cases prevented from destabilizing the home.

Amazingly if routines are solidly moving forward and some crisis takes mom out of the picture even for a short time, soon everything can be running on minimum maintenance. If mom has been distracted for some time the family may already be running on minimum maintenance and illness or other stresses of life can wreak havock on the home. Yes, family members will try to keep up in survival mode, but eventually even the best of husbands and children can slip into complacency.

Think of the heart of the body.
The Healthy Heart: When it is well rested, properly nourished, and regularly exercised the heart is healthy and can carry out its vital duties with miraculous rhythmic consistency. A healthy heart has a slow pace, and can rise to a faster pace during brief episodes of need, and then returns to its normal pace without damage.
The Unhealthy Heart: is often not well rested, properly nourished, or regularly exercised. The unhealthy heart may still carry out its duties but may struggle to do so. It has to work harder to do the same work and tends to run faster more often, and when a crisis happens this heart can fail in many of its duties. Over time this heart suffers from disease and may wear out long before its time, then just stop. Yes, hearts can be replaced, but the replacement heart and the system it goes in will never be as healthy as a healthy heart in its original system.

Think now on mothers as the heart of the home. This mother in particular. When I was a young mother with three little children, they had a healthy mother. We had a healthy family. Family life was a consistent rhythm and slow paced. There was much nurturing going on. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, tidying, yard care and so forth happened in a regular rhythm with the children. Nurturing happened through daily (very very consistently): family scripture time, afternoon walks, afternoon snuggles as I read to my children until they dozed off into nap land, family meals around the table together, evening walks as a family, family prayer, snuggles and stories at bed time, followed by mom singing her children to sleep. There were also enriching visits to the mountains, to museums, to the zoo, and travel as a family.

Then I was introduced to the factory concept of chores and teaching children responsibility through chores. What I did not realize at the time was that working with them everyday was the natural way children had learned to work, throughout history. At the time my children were 3.5 , 5.5, and 7.5 years old. I will have to say that was a very unwise distraction. My children were doing fine working along side of me. Had I continued as I had originally started they would have done far better. We had a healthy home and a healthy rhythm. I was transformed from nurturer into a task master, believing I was helping my children. First we started with pegs to keep track of their progress. Then because they were young and no longer working by my side they felt isolated and began to resent and avoid work. There were many missed opportunities for teaching moments. Chore lists grew longer, allowances (another word for bribe and also another distraction), nagging, and consequences. Life drug out and became complicated. This weakened not strengthened our home. The home is not a factory and children are not to be managed like employees. Crisis came and routines were interrupted further.

One distraction after another soon came. Girls Scouts, Boy scouts, piano lessons (for a 6 year old), soccer, swimming, and the list goes on. During all this mom ran an Artist Group for mothers once a month and had several intense church callings in succession. Home school was added too. Life got crazier and crazier and soon a fourth child and then a fifth were added to the family. There was no rest for momma now. We had a large desk calendar and a color for each person to keep track of life. How unnatural! This became an unhealthy home pattern for years.

Another post to follow…

I read this post on LDFR and it brought back memories:

My beautiful 17 month old has decided that she no longer needs to sleep in her bed and climbs out at will. My niece broke her arm climbing out of bed when she was about this age. SO I don’t want to put her in her bad any more.

However if I buy a toddler bed she is never going to sleep in in. Last night we just took her mattress and put it on the floor, cleared out her room and let her roam. I felt so bad as she slept on the floor in front of the door.

My oldest daughter, now 27 yo was a climber as an infant. She would call to her brother Adam, when she was 6 months, “Adah-out!” He would go get her. Finally, one day, her 2.5 and 4.5 year old brothers climbed into her crib and taught her how to climb out. They showed her how to pull up and put one leg over, then go into a roll, then hang by her hands until she could not hold on any longer and then she would let go and free fall. Yikes! At his point she stopped calling and quietly went about her business. Yes, she walked before she was 7 mo(yes, you read that right-seven months old). So, we removed the crib from her room, because I was afraid she would twist and break a limb. We replaced it with a foam rubber mattress on the floor. She would wake up and go to the door but could not reach the knob and would fall to sleep on the carpeted floor, at the door.

I started taking my children on daily walks when her older brothers were 9 mos and 2.5 yo. At first, I always took a stroller or wagon. However, she refused it and by a year she could walk a mile and was very adamant about not wanting to ride or carried. Previously to starting our daily walks, our kids were sick all the time. We went through over $650 in co-pay doctor visits ($5 a person) and pharmacy bills in the previous year. This daily walking brought health, balance, and coordination to my children. Another good side-effect of this daily routine was that it led to more calm children and better sleepers.

I would read to them after the walk and they would often drift off! At night, I would sing Primary songs and folk songs, after reading aloud. Yes, until I was hoarse! They had about 80 songs they wanted. We also read all of the Little House on the Prairie Series, along with their daily favorites. If they were too unsettled we would take a walk to let them get pent up energy out. Life was simpler in those days.

In those days, we chose not to have a tv in our home.

The closets in the the boys room was fitted with shelves built down the center of the closet, and lower clothing bars to hang things on. This made it easier for them to dress themselves and put clothes away. For her, she did not need to be dressing herself yet, so she did not need access to her closet.

Her closet is where I set the diaper changing table, with her clothes on the shelves. I did not want her to pull it over and get hurt. If I closed the closet, she could not reach the knob to open it. Result? No clothes on the floor. Yes, I did have a few toys there for her to play with.

When the children outgrew naps, I replaced it with quiet time and only had things needed for sleeping or quiet play in their room. I was not one to believe in an over abundance of toys.

My kids were not deprived. The arts, literature, the kitchen, house work, and the out-of-doors played a big roll in our life. We had a garden and specially designed play equipment in the back yard. We had a balance beam, low to the ground. We also had an adjustable overhead ladder. Oh yes, chin up bar and swings.

Life was simple.

I might add that the brain grows by use. Some parents do not want their children to climb, crawl or walk early. I welcomed it. Learning to use their bodies are in a child’s nature. I also knew that the use of the body in crawling, climbing, swing, balancing, etc grows brain structure, and I was not willing to trade their brain development for my convenience as a parent.

Isabella Sacred Groves, the little princess, has arrived. She was 10 days early and weighed in at 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 21 inches of absolute sweetness. Isabella’s mother, Julia, was attended by three fabulous midwives, Dianne, Lisa, and Ash. She was also supported by her husband Rory, her mother, her sister, Jennifer, and her dear friend/ sister-in-law Heather. Women helping women, and supported by her husband, encircled in love! Julia’s sister Jennifer and her family had been here most of the day, Monday and Tuesday. Even Julia’s oldest brother, Adam, came to bring Heather and Andy’s toddler to us and was able to join the anticipated arrival Isabella. Julia and Rory usually join Heather and Andy’s family and Adam’s family for family home evening each week. What a family home evening this swelled to be!!!

On Monday, when everyone arrived, I sent the men out to the yard to do yard work and then I joined them. They raked the flowerbeds, trimmed bushes, and dad tilled the garden. We have crocuses in bloom, blue starts, and a stately collection of daffodils gathering the rain spout, huddling to gather to drink from its spring floods at their feet. My butterfly bushes are budding new leaves, the promise of summer delights to come! after the beds were raked the leaves of the emerging violets became obvious, more promise of things to come. Isabella means God’s promise.

We had not abandoned Julia. Heather sat and chatted with Julia during the early stages of labor. Rory came home early to join us. Labor slowed. So we then sent the boys for an hour, around the corner to the church to play dodge ball. It was good for them to get out that energy.

Heather observed how the first 42 hours of labor seemed more of a social, family gathering. (This should have been titled the Birth Day Party). People playing board games in the living room, Rory setting up his Wii to keep the children and adult men occupied. Jeremy worked as the Kitchen on call to provide a sumptuous delectable delights to feed the hungry masses. He made home pan popped butter popcorn, banana berry smoothies and the best steak sandwiches! Heather’s husband Andy took the kids to the kitchen when labor picked up. There, Andy distracted them by teaching them how to make tortillas from scratch! Heather came up and made Julia’s Pink Lemonade pie to celebrate the birth. Heather was the official chronicler of the event, taking pictures, and video interviewing family about the birth of the little princess, Isabella.

During the day, there were bouts of napping, laboring, and socializing. Andy and Heather spent the night on Monday, Jennifer and Alan went home, as they live really close. Jennifer returned again on Tuesday and Alan went to take college exams and joined us in the evening. I made Beef Barley soup on Monday Night and Taco soup Tuesday night.

All in all we worked to conserve energy and let gentle labor progress the work. Though labor was long it was needed to let her body do as much work as possible before the very active stage arrived. She has struggled with mitral valve prolapse syndrome that responds to magnesium supplementation and with toxemia for about a month. Slow patient labor kept the blood pressure in check and permitted her body time to rid itself of toxins and fluid retention, before the strain of the advance active labor. Her midwives were careful, deliberate, and skilled in dealing with the challenges. We knew of their policies and knew if her blood pressure went up and could not be coaxed down it would mean transporting. We were so blessed through their skillfully applied knowledge and the blessings of slow and patient progress. The last six hours were intense, but Julia was able to labor in a sterile heated tub and that helped quite a bit.

Then at 4:21 am, this morning, Isabella Sacred Groves, who had already entered into our lives and hearts, entered the encirclement of our arms, as she chose to make her debut into mortality at grandma’s home. She was born in the library. How fitting for a girl who will receive a refining liberal arts education from a mother who knows.!

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Spring is here. It is time of new life. Trees budding. My daffodils are almost in bloom. Chives are up . Chervil is up. Soon, sometime in the next two weeks I will have a new granddaughter! So much is happening.

Then, after the baby arrives I will have a house full, of guests as my posterity gathers around for a baby blessing, my son’s eagle court of honor, and my son-in-law’s BYU graduation. Beginning in April I will host my new Art and Provident Comforts classes.

We had a wonderful business meeting for Princess Academies today. Jennifer is moving to Madison, Wisconsin at the end of April and we needed to have a business meeting to lay out our plans. Jennifer, Julia, Mary, baby Elizabeth, and I met at Julia’s. We met for several hours discussing the next 14 months of content. We planned a Princess Principle, Book of the Month, and Woman of Virtue for each month. Mary even got to contribute ideas! The stories of these women were powerful and moving. I am so excited for the next year. I had already selected people to spotlight for Sowing Seeds of Greatness until February 2011. So, I only have a few months worth to catch up with the plan. Of, course these are just plans, they are not cast in concrete. If the spirit draws our attention to something we have not planned, we are flexible enough to include it.

We will probably have at least one more meeting before Jennifer moves. So, we are trying to set up things for working together at a distance. A web cam sounds nice. Then we can communicate over the internet and I can watch my grand baby grow. Maybe I can talk my son in California to do so too. Then I can watch my grand kids grow!

We still have so much to get done over the next 6.5 weeks. Oh, Wisconsin is so far away! I am grateful for electronics!