Donna's Journey

I have taken it easy this summer as I have worked to heal. Now the summer is ending and our lives have changed. New rhythms are in order. I worked out the logical order in which I wanted to run my day. Click here to see our proposed new schedule:Fall 2010. Notice I kept with large time blocks, because I was structuring the time.

What happens during family work? There are daily needs of a tidy home and some tasks do not need to be done more than weekly or monthly, both inside and outside. We take care of that first. Then I have the home divided into zones. We spend some time each day in deep cleaning and restoring the zone we are working on. Then there is mending, bread baking, sewing, and other domestic tasks. Sometimes these tasks take priority over zones, extending the completion of a zone by several days. This may happen when we are preserving foods, or finishing a major sewing project.

Zones
More on zones– Some zones may take only a few days, others a week or longer. I am not worried with trying to complete it all in a month. While we are working a zone, we clean and fix everything we can. If the paint needs a touch-up repair that is the time to do it. Zone one is the master bedroom and other bedrooms. Our rooms should be inviting retreats that engender rest, contemplation and the release of stress, and not a cave full of clutter. Then comes the storage areas. Seriously, they need a thorough going through on a regular basis. Why store stuff we never use? Seasons change about every ninety days. So, new things go into storage and others come out for use. If I am deep cleaning, I will find things that need to be stored. I do not want storage clogged with over burden. I need to bless someone else with it. Then I can start the rest of the zones with curb appeal and then through the main living areas of the house. The Living room, the kitchen, etc. I like this zone process, as I know that the house gets a thorough once over in a deep way, at least once or twice each season!

Leisure to Learn
Leisure to learn is time for me to inspire, but not require learning. I get to share my passion for learning and introduce my children to new knowledge, experiences, and learning relationships. A great time for reading aloud, Sowing Seeds of Greatness, a once a month circle luncheon, a once a week “Wild Day” nature walk, or a Crazy Day field trip!

Leisure to Learn, Create, and Play
Leisure to learn, create and play is the next category. This is a time where we have more choices. I may team teach a sewing class with my daughter. My son or daughter may choose to read, play with a friend, or create with their hands or minds. I may work on my Princess Academies or Moor House Academy websites, teach classes, create etc.

As we begin using and tweaking the rhythms, I will be posting over on Mahalo, Donna under the label of “8. Donna’s Cottage School.” I do not do it all, all the time. I keep variety withing the regular daily blocks of time. It can be as simple and slow paced as I need it to be. It can become as complex as I permit it to be. The key is, I need to be constantly aware and open to epiphanies within each block. Right now, this mom can hardly wait for school to start again!!!! Let the dance of time begin!

I read the headgates. A headgate is an irrigation diversion device. A way to take water coming along an irrigation canal and divert it for the good purpose of watering a specific area. If left open too long or in the wrong place it can cause more damage than good. My father in law lived at the end of an irrigation canal. Others would open headgates and water when it was his turn, not theirs and he would not get water. That was a disaster to his garden. What about the headgates in our lives. Are some of things getting more diversion to their cause than is wholesome and good? Are other areas of our lives being dried up because the wrong headgates are open? A little thought and pondering can help us come up with a workable plan whereby the right headgates are open, at an optimum time, and for wise duration. The answers will most likely come on our knees to our hearts and minds. No doubt about it, it will cause us to have to make sacrifices of effort and change our paradigm before we are done.

I have been a little hampered in my plans this summer to get the ditches in my life cleaned out so that I can close some headgates and open others. A severe respiratory illness followed by a fall with a brain-stem concussion has slowed me down, quite a bit. I did close some headgates dealing with where I spend my time, by consolidating and rethinking how I could better serve others in the homeschool community online. Especially by doing less, so I can do more in a meaningful way, with less time.

I really think that the first headgates to open or close should be our own personal ones. Then when we have become the change we wish to see (or at least have a good start in that direction), we can prayerfully discuss it with our spouse and consider what headgates are undermining our parenting, our family’s growth, and our and our children’s education.

The up side is that while I have been off my feet recuperating, I have been simplifying my perspective and commitments. While doing so, the stress has dropped significantly and with that the stress induced weight gain has begun to drop, as well. I was so afraid that with over 60 days of not being able to go walking I would balloon. I was so happy to watch the scale move in the other direction!

None the less, there is much to do, cupboards to go through, much to simplify, and I am yet unable to do those things, yet. Yes, an consider what toys and things to have around for grandchildren, as my youngest child is 11.5 and she is not interested in toys, She is interested in games so we need to consider the game closet. Perhaps a little more focus and pondering I can figure out how I will proceed, in a slow and steady pace. I am healing and I know a lot will happen in the next six weeks.

It is important to consider what headgates are flodding our children and distracting them from growth and development. What headgates are not being opened because the prominence of other headgates that are open. For most of us it is too many possession to maintain and distract us. What if we had to leave and live in a tent for a year, what would we really need and what could we really take?

We do need to help our children understand what is important in life and possessions and self indulgence is not it. If grandparents contribute to the problem and feel that buying love is how it is done, suggest an alternative, a good book, a classic movie (for movie night), tickets to the planetarium, recording their story, recording their voice reading their favorite book (complete with a whistle, jingle of a bell, or some other indication to change the page), tools to build with, sewing tools, cooking tools, etc. Something that fill their need and desire to grow up and develop skills. Swimming lessons. Garden tools or seeds for the kids to develop their own little plot of land. These are things that will endure in their lives longer than any toy. At Chirstmas children can make things instead of thinking that presents come from the store.

During the past two months I have not watched TV or movies. It is in the family room down stairs. Unfortunately, I feel that at least one of my children has had more viewing time than is prudent and that is a headgate that will need to close, not completely, as we do have ability to record worthy shows. Yet, the headgate needs to be closed during work and free time, in order to open the headgates to worthier work and leisure. I really feel that as our new rhythms take shape, more interesting and important things will crowd out the unnecessary kinds and times of TV viewing. However, if new rhythms are not established other ways of wasting or passing the time will creep in that are not so ennobling.

I kind of touched on computers before. We need to spend our precious time very wisely. Computers are an interesting headgate. They can be used to educate the ignorant, free the captive, heal the sick, cloth the naked, etc. or they can be a time suck. There is genealogy that can be done, indexing, correspondence, sharing. How are our computer moments spent? Do we need to close this headgate during times of the day so that the vital and important can flourish in our lives?

I do not think we need to go to a space where there are no toys, tv or computer, but I do think that serious consideration should be given to when those headgates should be open and closed. I also think we need to learn the difference between entertainment/amusement and leisure/recreation. Entertainment and amusement is a distraction and is meant to be so. Leisure is what you choose to do with your free or spare time when not working. Recreation means to rest and restore. It is a time to do things that re- create the vital energy within us. One is passive distraction, the other I see as an active though restful restoration. it could include a daily constitutional (daily physical activity like walking), swimming, playing a board game that causes us to think, gardening, even reading and learning. Yes, reading can fall under either category, it depends on how it is used.

So, yes, I do have headgates on my mind and in my heart. One thing that has come from this healing process, I have become more observant and am beginning to see what headgates need to open and close so that our House of learning and growth can flourish.

In the fall of 2006, I heard President Hinckley speak and encourage the women to continue their education. I had planned to wait a few years, until my children were older. However, now I felt impressed to apply to college to begin graduate school in January. During graduate school I created and taught classes for my practicum an my own children benefited from those classes. I chose classics that would meet my college course requirements and the needs of my students. So, I dovetailed where I could instead of having several things going on consecutively.

Things grew intense in the winter of 2007-2008. I had been ill since Thanksgiving. I had begun to get well and a daughter got married after a short engagement, right in the middle of the semester. I relapsed, and the relapse was worse than the original illness. During the relapse I lost my thesis. I had my thesis on a thumb drive since I had an occasion the previous fall when I had crashed both my laptop and PC the same day with different issues. Well, working on my thesis one night I had a coughing fit and accidentally snagged the cord on my thumb drive, pulling the insides out of it. I grabbed the parts and quickly snapped them back together, only I had stuck my thumb on the memory chip. I sent it to an information recovery company and waited three weeks to find out for sure that my thesis was gone. At this point my thesis was lost and I came to the sudden realization that the thesis I had chosen to do was the wrong thesis for me to write.

I realized I needed to create and organization for mothers and daughters and a primer for mothers. This would be a thesis project and a creative thesis. I wrote a new prospectus and submitted it within days and received approval. I constructed the thesis and project within a month, making the 1 May deadline. Then I spent about 80 hours a week refining and polishing the thesis during the whole summer.

My family supported me, helped, encouraged, sacrificed and came with me for my orals. They came with me for graduation. We celebrated.

School was over and I had a family to be wife and mother to, and an organization to run. Oh, I forgot to tell you, in the fall of 2007, we felt the need to move, so I boxed up half of our things and put them in storage, so people would not be intimidated by all the books. Our house never sold. We had put money on a house and our contract was up the day after graduation. So, after graduation we went home and before me was the task to assess where we were as a family, sort through what we owned and decide what we would keep, and now with older children decide what rhythms made sense. I knew enough about chaos to realize that it is a time of transition and new order was trying to emerge. Time for the heart of the home to check the pulse…

Continued in the next post.

Creating momculture so I could save time contacting the ladies in our group did just that. However, it had an unintended consequence- more time on the computer. Withing a few days we had people on both coasts, and Canada in our group. Following the first meeting after momculture was created, questions began appearing on the yahoo group: I live in XYZ and was not able to be at the meeting, could you recap what was covered? I or another member of the group would oblige. We would craft a summary of notes. Then someone would ask a question on a point and discussion would ensue. Of course, this did begin to take time from other things. The volume grew.

I attended some more Thomas Jefferson Education seminars (TJEd) and contemplated opening a small school for moms and children. I started Mentoring Our Own for the people in my Charlotte Mason Study group that had children moving into their teens. We were all talking about TJEd. That same month I started Moor House Academy. We would only meet once a week and I would simply share some things I was doing with my children already. The rest of the program was carried out at home in very natural ways. When I prayed about it, I felt impressed to start a scholar class for my daughter too. I would be reading the classics to discuss with her any way. Right? You know the drill with what happened with Mentoring Our Own. It grew to become a huge group with over 1000 people in the US, Canada, Europe, the Middle East, Australia, and New Zealand.

With Moor House Academy our group was wonderful. I was pursuing 5 Pillar Certification through George Wythe University and decided the school was my project, the books the youth studied were 5 Pillar books and the required colloquia could be carried out with the adults and the youth. Are you tired yet?

I wanted it to be a real licensed school. However, I found that they would have to inspect my home. That instant it became a cyber school. I had tons of calls and hours on the phone. My son said, mom, you need a website so you do not have to repeat yourself to death. That day a father came to my home and offered to set up and host a website. That he has done for eight years! It took me months to articulate and set up a website. Each week there was at least one night I did not go to bed. Wanting to meet family needs, I often worked late into the night. Each week after class I would go home and post what we had learned and the home program for the week. Soon I wanted to be free of this weekly ritual. I wanted to create learning guides anyone could use, anyone could customize and a resource list to plug into it. By 2004 I had achieved that and made access free.

By July 2006, I earned my 5 Pillar Certification (I think I was the 9th or 10th to do so). I also had asked four women to help co-moderate my two yahoo groups. In July 2006, I announced the closure of discussion on Mentoring Our Own which had reached 800 people and took a lot of time. I needed more time with my family. The previous two years were hard on my health. With certification done, with the school greatly simplified, and the work of moderating off my plate, life was simplifying. Would I let it?

You might ask, “What happened to the Heart of the Home?” Exactly!

Continued in the next post…

I had a huge stained glass project I felt drawn to create. I had nowhere but the dining table and all the glass and supplies came from donations. It took two months to create and assemble. At first, the drawing sat on the table and I was afraid to cut the glass. A friend offered me safety glass door to practice on. It would not cut. I thought I was nuts to have such a scheme. Then a thought came to me. Compare the thickness of the glass to stained glass. It was several times thicker. I got a piece of stained glass and it cut so easy. By the early weeks of December I left it completely alone as it had been fully distracting me. We ate Thanksgiving and Christmas standing and most meals in shifts at the counter. We have since remodeled the kitchen and could easily all eat at a portable table.

After Christmas I was determined to have the work and school done each day before I touched the project. Life simplified and we settled into the rhythms. The children chose to hover around me as I worked on the glass. Soon they were wanting to learn and do with me. I would let the eight and ten year old practice on scraps and they willingly worked as apprentices helping keep the dining room shop clean. My older daughter learned every step of the process.

After the glass project was completed in January, life rhythms held lean and steady from January through the fall. Chores were still a distraction. The heart of the home and the health of the family life was gaining strength.

In July, Julia and I were Invited to attend a Face to Face With Greatness three day seminar in Cedar City.

I had a local CM study group going again. We all just shared what we were doing on a specific subject, so it was pretty low stress, except for the monthly contact to remind people of the meeting. I opened a Momculture yahoo group to keep group members notified of meetings and to reduce time needed to contact them.

Continued in the next post…

We moved to Utah. The kids were placed in school. Chores still continued. We tried to regain some sense of rhythm. It was not long before we were back in the homeschool scene. We had fewer distractions for a while. I was introduced to the ideas of Charlotte Mason and we settled into a slower pace. Yet, chores were still there, a continual bane, definitely something I constantly worked to fix. Music lessons were added, violin for my oldest daughter and piano for the next daughter. My mother died young of an unknown terminal illness. Another baby joined our family and now we had six.

I still did not get it and life got more complicated. I had church callings and I started a CM study group. Then we added baby and now we had seven. I was not young anymore, I was 43.5 years old. Then a series of family crisis’ hit. My baby was only a few months old and my husband suffered a heart attack.

We moved into survival mode. Minimal maintenance. I took a lot off my plate and focused on the family. Routines and Rhythms were simple. But the stupid chores that had distracted us for years were held onto like some pharmaceutical addiction. God provided even when my husband could not. I will not enumerate the miracles here. My oldest was on a mission by now. His brother had graduated from BYU at 19 and was working to pay off college debt so he could go out too. The second leaving before the first returned. At this point there were no music lessons or outside activities except church related. Chores, walks, meals together, family devotions, read alouds, consistency prevailed.

Interestingly, when health of the body or the home is in crisis we move back to the basics!

Continued on in the next post.

A mother’s love comes through her nurture and is the heart of the home.

That is why it is so hard on the family when mother is distracted, whether through choices of preoccupation, cares of the world, or even through ill health. Distractions, choices, and health issues are all part of life. I feel it is important to realize this and consider the impact of these distractions and how they can be dealt with or in many cases prevented from destabilizing the home.

Amazingly if routines are solidly moving forward and some crisis takes mom out of the picture even for a short time, soon everything can be running on minimum maintenance. If mom has been distracted for some time the family may already be running on minimum maintenance and illness or other stresses of life can wreak havock on the home. Yes, family members will try to keep up in survival mode, but eventually even the best of husbands and children can slip into complacency.

Think of the heart of the body.
The Healthy Heart: When it is well rested, properly nourished, and regularly exercised the heart is healthy and can carry out its vital duties with miraculous rhythmic consistency. A healthy heart has a slow pace, and can rise to a faster pace during brief episodes of need, and then returns to its normal pace without damage.
The Unhealthy Heart: is often not well rested, properly nourished, or regularly exercised. The unhealthy heart may still carry out its duties but may struggle to do so. It has to work harder to do the same work and tends to run faster more often, and when a crisis happens this heart can fail in many of its duties. Over time this heart suffers from disease and may wear out long before its time, then just stop. Yes, hearts can be replaced, but the replacement heart and the system it goes in will never be as healthy as a healthy heart in its original system.

Think now on mothers as the heart of the home. This mother in particular. When I was a young mother with three little children, they had a healthy mother. We had a healthy family. Family life was a consistent rhythm and slow paced. There was much nurturing going on. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, tidying, yard care and so forth happened in a regular rhythm with the children. Nurturing happened through daily (very very consistently): family scripture time, afternoon walks, afternoon snuggles as I read to my children until they dozed off into nap land, family meals around the table together, evening walks as a family, family prayer, snuggles and stories at bed time, followed by mom singing her children to sleep. There were also enriching visits to the mountains, to museums, to the zoo, and travel as a family.

Then I was introduced to the factory concept of chores and teaching children responsibility through chores. What I did not realize at the time was that working with them everyday was the natural way children had learned to work, throughout history. At the time my children were 3.5 , 5.5, and 7.5 years old. I will have to say that was a very unwise distraction. My children were doing fine working along side of me. Had I continued as I had originally started they would have done far better. We had a healthy home and a healthy rhythm. I was transformed from nurturer into a task master, believing I was helping my children. First we started with pegs to keep track of their progress. Then because they were young and no longer working by my side they felt isolated and began to resent and avoid work. There were many missed opportunities for teaching moments. Chore lists grew longer, allowances (another word for bribe and also another distraction), nagging, and consequences. Life drug out and became complicated. This weakened not strengthened our home. The home is not a factory and children are not to be managed like employees. Crisis came and routines were interrupted further.

One distraction after another soon came. Girls Scouts, Boy scouts, piano lessons (for a 6 year old), soccer, swimming, and the list goes on. During all this mom ran an Artist Group for mothers once a month and had several intense church callings in succession. Home school was added too. Life got crazier and crazier and soon a fourth child and then a fifth were added to the family. There was no rest for momma now. We had a large desk calendar and a color for each person to keep track of life. How unnatural! This became an unhealthy home pattern for years.

Another post to follow…

I read this post on LDFR and it brought back memories:

My beautiful 17 month old has decided that she no longer needs to sleep in her bed and climbs out at will. My niece broke her arm climbing out of bed when she was about this age. SO I don’t want to put her in her bad any more.

However if I buy a toddler bed she is never going to sleep in in. Last night we just took her mattress and put it on the floor, cleared out her room and let her roam. I felt so bad as she slept on the floor in front of the door.

My oldest daughter, now 27 yo was a climber as an infant. She would call to her brother Adam, when she was 6 months, “Adah-out!” He would go get her. Finally, one day, her 2.5 and 4.5 year old brothers climbed into her crib and taught her how to climb out. They showed her how to pull up and put one leg over, then go into a roll, then hang by her hands until she could not hold on any longer and then she would let go and free fall. Yikes! At his point she stopped calling and quietly went about her business. Yes, she walked before she was 7 mo(yes, you read that right-seven months old). So, we removed the crib from her room, because I was afraid she would twist and break a limb. We replaced it with a foam rubber mattress on the floor. She would wake up and go to the door but could not reach the knob and would fall to sleep on the carpeted floor, at the door.

I started taking my children on daily walks when her older brothers were 9 mos and 2.5 yo. At first, I always took a stroller or wagon. However, she refused it and by a year she could walk a mile and was very adamant about not wanting to ride or carried. Previously to starting our daily walks, our kids were sick all the time. We went through over $650 in co-pay doctor visits ($5 a person) and pharmacy bills in the previous year. This daily walking brought health, balance, and coordination to my children. Another good side-effect of this daily routine was that it led to more calm children and better sleepers.

I would read to them after the walk and they would often drift off! At night, I would sing Primary songs and folk songs, after reading aloud. Yes, until I was hoarse! They had about 80 songs they wanted. We also read all of the Little House on the Prairie Series, along with their daily favorites. If they were too unsettled we would take a walk to let them get pent up energy out. Life was simpler in those days.

In those days, we chose not to have a tv in our home.

The closets in the the boys room was fitted with shelves built down the center of the closet, and lower clothing bars to hang things on. This made it easier for them to dress themselves and put clothes away. For her, she did not need to be dressing herself yet, so she did not need access to her closet.

Her closet is where I set the diaper changing table, with her clothes on the shelves. I did not want her to pull it over and get hurt. If I closed the closet, she could not reach the knob to open it. Result? No clothes on the floor. Yes, I did have a few toys there for her to play with.

When the children outgrew naps, I replaced it with quiet time and only had things needed for sleeping or quiet play in their room. I was not one to believe in an over abundance of toys.

My kids were not deprived. The arts, literature, the kitchen, house work, and the out-of-doors played a big roll in our life. We had a garden and specially designed play equipment in the back yard. We had a balance beam, low to the ground. We also had an adjustable overhead ladder. Oh yes, chin up bar and swings.

Life was simple.

I might add that the brain grows by use. Some parents do not want their children to climb, crawl or walk early. I welcomed it. Learning to use their bodies are in a child’s nature. I also knew that the use of the body in crawling, climbing, swing, balancing, etc grows brain structure, and I was not willing to trade their brain development for my convenience as a parent.

Spring is here. Time to get the garden ready. This is a wonderful time of year to do nature studies and watch the world come to life. My spring 2010 Art: Gateway to Love of Learning classes and Provident Living, Provident Comforts,
and Casual Classical Chic Workshops are beginning in April.

Art: Gateway to Love of Learning Foundations I Class (scope and sequence):

http://gatewaytolovelearning.blogspot.com/p/foundation-i.html

This 2 1/2 hour class includes:
* Get Inspired- The study of great artists and their contributions, as well as, art and literature, math, and science.
* The Hand and Eye- Visual Forms, Artist Tools and Artist Tao- each class building on the last.
* Beautiful Writing- Italics
* Hands On! Explorations in: paper making, culinary art, papier-mâché , printmaking, garden mosaics, and more…Class begins 6 April- http://gatewaytolovelearning.blogspot.com/2010/03/spring-classes.html

* Great preparation for spring/summer nature studies and summer vacation.
* Scheduled during the day for homeschoolers!
* Taught by Donna Goff and sponsored by Moor House Academy.
* Join one of our classes-please contact me: donna@moorhouseacademy.org
What if times do not work for you? Contact me.

Spring Workshops -

http://gatewaytolovelearning.blogspot.com/2010/03/spring-workshops.html

These workshops will be held weekday evenings or Saturday mid-morning. When workshops are open for registration date/time and pictures will be posted.
* Provident Living- Living providently is an art! These classes deal with menu planning, home management/resource management, cooking, preserving, etc.
* Provident Comforts- Functional home and garden re-purpose and renew. To be provident is to be careful, frugal, and thrifty. The Provident Comforts class is a class designed to re-purpose something old or second hand to a new life. This would be a class where we restore, refinish and/or embellish. This also includes do-it-yourself (DIY) Folk and Find Crafts: Sandblasting, Stained glass, Garden Mosaics, Mosaic Furniture, Quilting, and more.
* Casual Classic Chic- Modest, Comfortable, and versatile apparel and accessories. These are classes in creating apparel and bling to fit our busy active lifestyles. Aprons, Skirts, Vests, accessories, and more…I invite you to check out the drop down windows on the site for details about the classes.

This morning my friend Lori posted a link to this article on Facebook”The Basement Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity” by George F. Will. (Published Mar 8, 2010 by News Week). I read this article and responded to it on Facebook by saying:

Thanks for posting this. Think of what this has done to families. All these Peter Pans- the forever young mantra is just another way to say “I’ll never grow up.” Another thing we forget about Peter Pan and his lost boys, is there was no father or mother present. He sought a surrogate mother in Wendy. Could it be the outsourcing of our young to “care givers” is the very thing that leads to Peter Pans? Placing boys in care of Wendy Darlings? Thus, giving roll models to girls of being in charge and to young boys of being cared for and tended? Just a thought.

Here, I consider the topic further…
My generation was the first generation in peace time to willing go into the work force, in mass for personal fulfillment, outsourcing their children to a cadre of mostly female caregivers. From as early as 6 weeks of age, babies are outsourced to daycare providers (mostly women) and elementary schools where a majority of teachers are woman. This was complicated by a high divorce rate, leaving children fatherless. Our parents generation had an absenteeism of fathers and mothers due to war; the men away fighting and the women away filling their husband’s place in the work force. There was no one left to check the female influence in raising boys. What about sports? Really? Did we think that placing boys in a group with a male coach (surrogate father), where the world revolves around them playing, would somehow replace the loss of fathers?

What about the girls? Our daughters are cared for by predominately female care givers from birth into college. The message is that women are in charge. Or are they? Remember, Wendy Darling though a surrogate mother to Peter and his lost boys, was none the less still a child and a dependent, without the full responsibilities of adulthood and her own care. How does this play out in modern life? Many women struggling to be single parents, look to government for financial support and even union and legal protectionism for their care. They also shift their maternal responsibilities to surrogates. So, though girls may reach the age of majority and move out, and go to college, and then the work force, they are dependent, as well.

The reality is, people were duped. We bought the propaganda. We bought into the culture. Women were promised they could have it all. Yes, but not all the time. Universities swelled after the war to meet promises made- the GI bill. Once built they needed to keep filled. America was raised up on the idea of go to college, get a career, then retire. Well, when the first takers came close to claim their retirement, many were met by lay offs, a bait and switch. Before this realization the impression was planted that college was a rite of passage, the next step. Yet, for many a career never materialized. Those that did get the career step, it became their life. Reality check- preparation for a career is not preparation for a whole life. Families suffered, and children were often the ones left in “Neverland.”

The result of this bizarre “Neverland” is that we are neither raising men or women. We are raising a nation of dependents to live in their own adolescent world, where they live by mood and wants, where the world revolves around them. Eventually to follow their parent’s example to pursue fulfilling of their own desires at the expense of family and society. The self indulgent path we have chosen is not preparing our sons for adult responsibilities of marriage and fatherhood, instead it is feminizing them. We are not raising daughters to be prepared for adult responsibilities of marriage and motherhood.

Stop this carnival “Neverland” merry-go-round, we need to get off!

Ever the optimist, I believe we can turn things around. We just have to choose to. We need to, as my son-in-law, Rory, says, “Oh, grow up!” We need to make better choices. We may need to gain skills and knowledge that we thought were menial and unnecessary. We need to take personal responsibility. We were used to outsourcing parenting, because we really did not value it. By the financial compensation we gave these surrogate care givers, we did not value them or our children, either. America may have had good intentions of “giving” their children the best, by willingly outsourcing them to others. Somehow this also translated into going in debt for more things. Which in turn has enslaved us to this horrible state we find ourselves, a state of dependency. To get off this “Neverland” ride, we will need to take responsibility, make sacrifices, make tough choices, and curb our appetites. Do with less, so we can have more of what really matters. Stop choosing to be dependent on surrogates and on the surrogate parent, the state. It is time to rethink. It is not too late in the game to institute a different strategy.

We will need to let go of our “Neverland” popular culture and come to grips with the fact the leaving our children to “the village” to raise, was not such a bright idea, after all. Though our intent may have been good, we need to see what our children really need most. In the end, what our children need most is us. We can pull together as families and grow out of this together. As we heal our families and begin to raise our children for a full and whole adult life, we will see our communities and our nation heal as well.