Donna's Journey

I have taken it easy this summer as I have worked to heal. Now the summer is ending and our lives have changed. New rhythms are in order. I worked out the logical order in which I wanted to run my day. Click here to see our proposed new schedule:Fall 2010. Notice I kept with large time blocks, because I was structuring the time.

What happens during family work? There are daily needs of a tidy home and some tasks do not need to be done more than weekly or monthly, both inside and outside. We take care of that first. Then I have the home divided into zones. We spend some time each day in deep cleaning and restoring the zone we are working on. Then there is mending, bread baking, sewing, and other domestic tasks. Sometimes these tasks take priority over zones, extending the completion of a zone by several days. This may happen when we are preserving foods, or finishing a major sewing project.

Zones
More on zones– Some zones may take only a few days, others a week or longer. I am not worried with trying to complete it all in a month. While we are working a zone, we clean and fix everything we can. If the paint needs a touch-up repair that is the time to do it. Zone one is the master bedroom and other bedrooms. Our rooms should be inviting retreats that engender rest, contemplation and the release of stress, and not a cave full of clutter. Then comes the storage areas. Seriously, they need a thorough going through on a regular basis. Why store stuff we never use? Seasons change about every ninety days. So, new things go into storage and others come out for use. If I am deep cleaning, I will find things that need to be stored. I do not want storage clogged with over burden. I need to bless someone else with it. Then I can start the rest of the zones with curb appeal and then through the main living areas of the house. The Living room, the kitchen, etc. I like this zone process, as I know that the house gets a thorough once over in a deep way, at least once or twice each season!

Leisure to Learn
Leisure to learn is time for me to inspire, but not require learning. I get to share my passion for learning and introduce my children to new knowledge, experiences, and learning relationships. A great time for reading aloud, Sowing Seeds of Greatness, a once a month circle luncheon, a once a week “Wild Day” nature walk, or a Crazy Day field trip!

Leisure to Learn, Create, and Play
Leisure to learn, create and play is the next category. This is a time where we have more choices. I may team teach a sewing class with my daughter. My son or daughter may choose to read, play with a friend, or create with their hands or minds. I may work on my Princess Academies or Moor House Academy websites, teach classes, create etc.

As we begin using and tweaking the rhythms, I will be posting over on Mahalo, Donna under the label of “8. Donna’s Cottage School.” I do not do it all, all the time. I keep variety withing the regular daily blocks of time. It can be as simple and slow paced as I need it to be. It can become as complex as I permit it to be. The key is, I need to be constantly aware and open to epiphanies within each block. Right now, this mom can hardly wait for school to start again!!!! Let the dance of time begin!

I read the headgates. A headgate is an irrigation diversion device. A way to take water coming along an irrigation canal and divert it for the good purpose of watering a specific area. If left open too long or in the wrong place it can cause more damage than good. My father in law lived at the end of an irrigation canal. Others would open headgates and water when it was his turn, not theirs and he would not get water. That was a disaster to his garden. What about the headgates in our lives. Are some of things getting more diversion to their cause than is wholesome and good? Are other areas of our lives being dried up because the wrong headgates are open? A little thought and pondering can help us come up with a workable plan whereby the right headgates are open, at an optimum time, and for wise duration. The answers will most likely come on our knees to our hearts and minds. No doubt about it, it will cause us to have to make sacrifices of effort and change our paradigm before we are done.

I have been a little hampered in my plans this summer to get the ditches in my life cleaned out so that I can close some headgates and open others. A severe respiratory illness followed by a fall with a brain-stem concussion has slowed me down, quite a bit. I did close some headgates dealing with where I spend my time, by consolidating and rethinking how I could better serve others in the homeschool community online. Especially by doing less, so I can do more in a meaningful way, with less time.

I really think that the first headgates to open or close should be our own personal ones. Then when we have become the change we wish to see (or at least have a good start in that direction), we can prayerfully discuss it with our spouse and consider what headgates are undermining our parenting, our family’s growth, and our and our children’s education.

The up side is that while I have been off my feet recuperating, I have been simplifying my perspective and commitments. While doing so, the stress has dropped significantly and with that the stress induced weight gain has begun to drop, as well. I was so afraid that with over 60 days of not being able to go walking I would balloon. I was so happy to watch the scale move in the other direction!

None the less, there is much to do, cupboards to go through, much to simplify, and I am yet unable to do those things, yet. Yes, an consider what toys and things to have around for grandchildren, as my youngest child is 11.5 and she is not interested in toys, She is interested in games so we need to consider the game closet. Perhaps a little more focus and pondering I can figure out how I will proceed, in a slow and steady pace. I am healing and I know a lot will happen in the next six weeks.

It is important to consider what headgates are flodding our children and distracting them from growth and development. What headgates are not being opened because the prominence of other headgates that are open. For most of us it is too many possession to maintain and distract us. What if we had to leave and live in a tent for a year, what would we really need and what could we really take?

We do need to help our children understand what is important in life and possessions and self indulgence is not it. If grandparents contribute to the problem and feel that buying love is how it is done, suggest an alternative, a good book, a classic movie (for movie night), tickets to the planetarium, recording their story, recording their voice reading their favorite book (complete with a whistle, jingle of a bell, or some other indication to change the page), tools to build with, sewing tools, cooking tools, etc. Something that fill their need and desire to grow up and develop skills. Swimming lessons. Garden tools or seeds for the kids to develop their own little plot of land. These are things that will endure in their lives longer than any toy. At Chirstmas children can make things instead of thinking that presents come from the store.

During the past two months I have not watched TV or movies. It is in the family room down stairs. Unfortunately, I feel that at least one of my children has had more viewing time than is prudent and that is a headgate that will need to close, not completely, as we do have ability to record worthy shows. Yet, the headgate needs to be closed during work and free time, in order to open the headgates to worthier work and leisure. I really feel that as our new rhythms take shape, more interesting and important things will crowd out the unnecessary kinds and times of TV viewing. However, if new rhythms are not established other ways of wasting or passing the time will creep in that are not so ennobling.

I kind of touched on computers before. We need to spend our precious time very wisely. Computers are an interesting headgate. They can be used to educate the ignorant, free the captive, heal the sick, cloth the naked, etc. or they can be a time suck. There is genealogy that can be done, indexing, correspondence, sharing. How are our computer moments spent? Do we need to close this headgate during times of the day so that the vital and important can flourish in our lives?

I do not think we need to go to a space where there are no toys, tv or computer, but I do think that serious consideration should be given to when those headgates should be open and closed. I also think we need to learn the difference between entertainment/amusement and leisure/recreation. Entertainment and amusement is a distraction and is meant to be so. Leisure is what you choose to do with your free or spare time when not working. Recreation means to rest and restore. It is a time to do things that re- create the vital energy within us. One is passive distraction, the other I see as an active though restful restoration. it could include a daily constitutional (daily physical activity like walking), swimming, playing a board game that causes us to think, gardening, even reading and learning. Yes, reading can fall under either category, it depends on how it is used.

So, yes, I do have headgates on my mind and in my heart. One thing that has come from this healing process, I have become more observant and am beginning to see what headgates need to open and close so that our House of learning and growth can flourish.

I think the last five posts gave you a view into my life. A recap since graduation…
* I did not move. We stayed.
* My oldest daughter got engaged to an awesome young man.

* I slipped on the ice while doing Bridal Boot Camp with my daughter and injured both wrists.
* My second daughter gave birth to my first grand daughter (at my home).

* My oldest daughter married and we catered the wedding.

* My daughter-in-law in California gave birth to her fourth son, my sixth grandson.
* I stepped on a twig while wearing heels, rolling my heel and sprained my ankle.
* I launched Princess Academies with my two married daughters!
* I launched the Princess Academies website, which I added most of the content.
* I tripped trying to step over a box barrier and separated my AC.
* I started teaching art classes in my home, through Moor House Academy. We had fun and my youngest was in the classes.
* My oldest daughter gave birth to my second granddaughter (at my home as well).

* I had four children move in a three week period and I assisted the new mom in her move and you guessed it, I tripped in the new apartment and fell. That night I went home and got sick.
Many of the above things were just part of being a mom.

Whew! Exhausted yet? I was!

* I got really sick with bronchitis and after 60 days am finally beginning to recover! At this point I began take stock. As I did, I began to cut way back. About this time I read Headgates.. This got me thinking deeper. I started this series of posts.

I closed down the discussion on my yahoo groups. I consolidated my blogs into Mahalo, Donna. I kept this blog and my Donna’s Recipe Box blogs. I taught at UHEA. I finished my art classes and did not start new ones. I started saying “no,” more often to outside things, so I can say yes more often at home. I switched lanes.

Sunday was my last Sunday as a missionary working at the BYU Family History center. I was called for a year. Has it been that long already?

Trusting God to care for our family. Though my husband is working hard on a project, no income yet. Things are in God’s hands. No, we did not get a tax refund. No we did not get stimulus money. No we are not on welfare, government or church. I am grateful for the Lord’s tender mercies, day to day miracles, and daily blessings. I realize our present situation is temporary. We will overcome. Challenges are where we gain the tools/skills needed for our journey. Meanwhile, I focus on changing lanes, slowing down, simplifying.

Yet, I have a little break. No more babies due in the near future, at least until 2011. No moves scheduled for the near future. I have two boys. One is living and working to earn the money to go on a mission. The other is 15. Their sister is 11, so it will be a while before another wedding.

Apparently, I needed more time doing less and less. I took a hike with my husband in the mountains, a short one, not strenuous. However, I tripped on a leaf covered root and fell headlong down hill and suffered a brainstem concussion and a twisted knee. I am so very grateful it was not worse! The concussion healed. The knee is taking longer, but is healing. Most of the simplifying has come by way of reducing outside commitments and having the rest of life grind to almost a halt. Lots of time to contemplate. Being ill and hurting has not lent itself to heroic efforts of decluttering and simplifying routines. Little by little, even those areas are visited as I change lanes and reconsider the rearing of my last two at home, our family rhythms, traditions, and possessions.

In the fall of 2006, I heard President Hinckley speak and encourage the women to continue their education. I had planned to wait a few years, until my children were older. However, now I felt impressed to apply to college to begin graduate school in January. During graduate school I created and taught classes for my practicum an my own children benefited from those classes. I chose classics that would meet my college course requirements and the needs of my students. So, I dovetailed where I could instead of having several things going on consecutively.

Things grew intense in the winter of 2007-2008. I had been ill since Thanksgiving. I had begun to get well and a daughter got married after a short engagement, right in the middle of the semester. I relapsed, and the relapse was worse than the original illness. During the relapse I lost my thesis. I had my thesis on a thumb drive since I had an occasion the previous fall when I had crashed both my laptop and PC the same day with different issues. Well, working on my thesis one night I had a coughing fit and accidentally snagged the cord on my thumb drive, pulling the insides out of it. I grabbed the parts and quickly snapped them back together, only I had stuck my thumb on the memory chip. I sent it to an information recovery company and waited three weeks to find out for sure that my thesis was gone. At this point my thesis was lost and I came to the sudden realization that the thesis I had chosen to do was the wrong thesis for me to write.

I realized I needed to create and organization for mothers and daughters and a primer for mothers. This would be a thesis project and a creative thesis. I wrote a new prospectus and submitted it within days and received approval. I constructed the thesis and project within a month, making the 1 May deadline. Then I spent about 80 hours a week refining and polishing the thesis during the whole summer.

My family supported me, helped, encouraged, sacrificed and came with me for my orals. They came with me for graduation. We celebrated.

School was over and I had a family to be wife and mother to, and an organization to run. Oh, I forgot to tell you, in the fall of 2007, we felt the need to move, so I boxed up half of our things and put them in storage, so people would not be intimidated by all the books. Our house never sold. We had put money on a house and our contract was up the day after graduation. So, after graduation we went home and before me was the task to assess where we were as a family, sort through what we owned and decide what we would keep, and now with older children decide what rhythms made sense. I knew enough about chaos to realize that it is a time of transition and new order was trying to emerge. Time for the heart of the home to check the pulse…

Continued in the next post.

Creating momculture so I could save time contacting the ladies in our group did just that. However, it had an unintended consequence- more time on the computer. Withing a few days we had people on both coasts, and Canada in our group. Following the first meeting after momculture was created, questions began appearing on the yahoo group: I live in XYZ and was not able to be at the meeting, could you recap what was covered? I or another member of the group would oblige. We would craft a summary of notes. Then someone would ask a question on a point and discussion would ensue. Of course, this did begin to take time from other things. The volume grew.

I attended some more Thomas Jefferson Education seminars (TJEd) and contemplated opening a small school for moms and children. I started Mentoring Our Own for the people in my Charlotte Mason Study group that had children moving into their teens. We were all talking about TJEd. That same month I started Moor House Academy. We would only meet once a week and I would simply share some things I was doing with my children already. The rest of the program was carried out at home in very natural ways. When I prayed about it, I felt impressed to start a scholar class for my daughter too. I would be reading the classics to discuss with her any way. Right? You know the drill with what happened with Mentoring Our Own. It grew to become a huge group with over 1000 people in the US, Canada, Europe, the Middle East, Australia, and New Zealand.

With Moor House Academy our group was wonderful. I was pursuing 5 Pillar Certification through George Wythe University and decided the school was my project, the books the youth studied were 5 Pillar books and the required colloquia could be carried out with the adults and the youth. Are you tired yet?

I wanted it to be a real licensed school. However, I found that they would have to inspect my home. That instant it became a cyber school. I had tons of calls and hours on the phone. My son said, mom, you need a website so you do not have to repeat yourself to death. That day a father came to my home and offered to set up and host a website. That he has done for eight years! It took me months to articulate and set up a website. Each week there was at least one night I did not go to bed. Wanting to meet family needs, I often worked late into the night. Each week after class I would go home and post what we had learned and the home program for the week. Soon I wanted to be free of this weekly ritual. I wanted to create learning guides anyone could use, anyone could customize and a resource list to plug into it. By 2004 I had achieved that and made access free.

By July 2006, I earned my 5 Pillar Certification (I think I was the 9th or 10th to do so). I also had asked four women to help co-moderate my two yahoo groups. In July 2006, I announced the closure of discussion on Mentoring Our Own which had reached 800 people and took a lot of time. I needed more time with my family. The previous two years were hard on my health. With certification done, with the school greatly simplified, and the work of moderating off my plate, life was simplifying. Would I let it?

You might ask, “What happened to the Heart of the Home?” Exactly!

Continued in the next post…

I had a huge stained glass project I felt drawn to create. I had nowhere but the dining table and all the glass and supplies came from donations. It took two months to create and assemble. At first, the drawing sat on the table and I was afraid to cut the glass. A friend offered me safety glass door to practice on. It would not cut. I thought I was nuts to have such a scheme. Then a thought came to me. Compare the thickness of the glass to stained glass. It was several times thicker. I got a piece of stained glass and it cut so easy. By the early weeks of December I left it completely alone as it had been fully distracting me. We ate Thanksgiving and Christmas standing and most meals in shifts at the counter. We have since remodeled the kitchen and could easily all eat at a portable table.

After Christmas I was determined to have the work and school done each day before I touched the project. Life simplified and we settled into the rhythms. The children chose to hover around me as I worked on the glass. Soon they were wanting to learn and do with me. I would let the eight and ten year old practice on scraps and they willingly worked as apprentices helping keep the dining room shop clean. My older daughter learned every step of the process.

After the glass project was completed in January, life rhythms held lean and steady from January through the fall. Chores were still a distraction. The heart of the home and the health of the family life was gaining strength.

In July, Julia and I were Invited to attend a Face to Face With Greatness three day seminar in Cedar City.

I had a local CM study group going again. We all just shared what we were doing on a specific subject, so it was pretty low stress, except for the monthly contact to remind people of the meeting. I opened a Momculture yahoo group to keep group members notified of meetings and to reduce time needed to contact them.

Continued in the next post…

We moved to Utah. The kids were placed in school. Chores still continued. We tried to regain some sense of rhythm. It was not long before we were back in the homeschool scene. We had fewer distractions for a while. I was introduced to the ideas of Charlotte Mason and we settled into a slower pace. Yet, chores were still there, a continual bane, definitely something I constantly worked to fix. Music lessons were added, violin for my oldest daughter and piano for the next daughter. My mother died young of an unknown terminal illness. Another baby joined our family and now we had six.

I still did not get it and life got more complicated. I had church callings and I started a CM study group. Then we added baby and now we had seven. I was not young anymore, I was 43.5 years old. Then a series of family crisis’ hit. My baby was only a few months old and my husband suffered a heart attack.

We moved into survival mode. Minimal maintenance. I took a lot off my plate and focused on the family. Routines and Rhythms were simple. But the stupid chores that had distracted us for years were held onto like some pharmaceutical addiction. God provided even when my husband could not. I will not enumerate the miracles here. My oldest was on a mission by now. His brother had graduated from BYU at 19 and was working to pay off college debt so he could go out too. The second leaving before the first returned. At this point there were no music lessons or outside activities except church related. Chores, walks, meals together, family devotions, read alouds, consistency prevailed.

Interestingly, when health of the body or the home is in crisis we move back to the basics!

Continued on in the next post.

A mother’s love comes through her nurture and is the heart of the home.

That is why it is so hard on the family when mother is distracted, whether through choices of preoccupation, cares of the world, or even through ill health. Distractions, choices, and health issues are all part of life. I feel it is important to realize this and consider the impact of these distractions and how they can be dealt with or in many cases prevented from destabilizing the home.

Amazingly if routines are solidly moving forward and some crisis takes mom out of the picture even for a short time, soon everything can be running on minimum maintenance. If mom has been distracted for some time the family may already be running on minimum maintenance and illness or other stresses of life can wreak havock on the home. Yes, family members will try to keep up in survival mode, but eventually even the best of husbands and children can slip into complacency.

Think of the heart of the body.
The Healthy Heart: When it is well rested, properly nourished, and regularly exercised the heart is healthy and can carry out its vital duties with miraculous rhythmic consistency. A healthy heart has a slow pace, and can rise to a faster pace during brief episodes of need, and then returns to its normal pace without damage.
The Unhealthy Heart: is often not well rested, properly nourished, or regularly exercised. The unhealthy heart may still carry out its duties but may struggle to do so. It has to work harder to do the same work and tends to run faster more often, and when a crisis happens this heart can fail in many of its duties. Over time this heart suffers from disease and may wear out long before its time, then just stop. Yes, hearts can be replaced, but the replacement heart and the system it goes in will never be as healthy as a healthy heart in its original system.

Think now on mothers as the heart of the home. This mother in particular. When I was a young mother with three little children, they had a healthy mother. We had a healthy family. Family life was a consistent rhythm and slow paced. There was much nurturing going on. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, tidying, yard care and so forth happened in a regular rhythm with the children. Nurturing happened through daily (very very consistently): family scripture time, afternoon walks, afternoon snuggles as I read to my children until they dozed off into nap land, family meals around the table together, evening walks as a family, family prayer, snuggles and stories at bed time, followed by mom singing her children to sleep. There were also enriching visits to the mountains, to museums, to the zoo, and travel as a family.

Then I was introduced to the factory concept of chores and teaching children responsibility through chores. What I did not realize at the time was that working with them everyday was the natural way children had learned to work, throughout history. At the time my children were 3.5 , 5.5, and 7.5 years old. I will have to say that was a very unwise distraction. My children were doing fine working along side of me. Had I continued as I had originally started they would have done far better. We had a healthy home and a healthy rhythm. I was transformed from nurturer into a task master, believing I was helping my children. First we started with pegs to keep track of their progress. Then because they were young and no longer working by my side they felt isolated and began to resent and avoid work. There were many missed opportunities for teaching moments. Chore lists grew longer, allowances (another word for bribe and also another distraction), nagging, and consequences. Life drug out and became complicated. This weakened not strengthened our home. The home is not a factory and children are not to be managed like employees. Crisis came and routines were interrupted further.

One distraction after another soon came. Girls Scouts, Boy scouts, piano lessons (for a 6 year old), soccer, swimming, and the list goes on. During all this mom ran an Artist Group for mothers once a month and had several intense church callings in succession. Home school was added too. Life got crazier and crazier and soon a fourth child and then a fifth were added to the family. There was no rest for momma now. We had a large desk calendar and a color for each person to keep track of life. How unnatural! This became an unhealthy home pattern for years.

Another post to follow…

This last year has not been good on my health, with several trips and falls. However, that is just a drop in the bucket compared to the stress of last several years. I shall not enumerate them here as I think most peoples heads might spin. I was looking to this summer as a time to rebuild my health and that it shall be.

Many of you know I have been ill since the end of April. Thursday a week ago I felt impressed to contact my old NUCCA doctor, Dr. Chris Chapman and make an appointment. Then Tuesday following I was taking a very short hike with my husband, my foot caught a root and headlong downhill I went. Well, my appointment was Friday and boy was I in rough shape. Apparently, I had a brainstem concussion. On his blog he said that my “Atlas was severely subluxated —in other words, “not in the right place”, and that was causing the following:

* a slight distortion of the spinal cord,
* interference in the vascular supply and drainage to and from the brain,
* and broad primary muscular imbalances of the entire spine and pelvis.
He was able to help me on the road to healing. Things improved when the pressure was removed by his gentle adjustment. But later I woke up to the worst pain I ever had as I feel swelling had come. I contacted him afraid that maybe I did something in my sleep, actually I was afraid of my brain swelling. He reassured me that I was on the road to healing. Over the course of the day, today, the swelling began to subside and a lot of the pain.

I have come to realize that there are no quick fixes when it comes to health and even after the swelling is down and the pain subsides I have a long journey ahead. I was already looking at this summer as a time of healing, centering, simplifying…healthy time in the slow lane with the ones I so dearly love. I am looking forward to the new rhythms. But first, I need to heal enough to stabilize so I have a solid foundation to build health on. Meanwhile, I have plenty of time to think and ponder my course in life from here, at least for the summer, taking time to celebrate life. Health comes drip by drip, day by day, in how we chose to live our life and how we chose to respond to what comes into our life.

Wow! What a transition!!!

Over the last few weeks we have been transitioning Moor House Academy, its moodle site, and this blog to a new host, the same one that hosts my Princess Academies. All of which is outside my present technological abilities. Somehow, everything transferred easily except this blog. So, for now, this blog is connected to the Princess Academies domain instead of the Moor House Academy domain.

While Aaron, my former administrator and David, my present administrator worked things through, I have spent my time going through transitions of my own. I have spent the last 10 days sick. No fun I assure you. However, it has given me a lot of time to think, ponder and bring new order to my life.

I have given notice to my yahoo groups that I am moving away from yahoo as a tool. I will leave my two yahoo groups up for a time, so their archives will be available.

I am keeping this bog, my hope chest journey blog (because it is a community blog), and my Donna’s Recipe Box blog at http://donnasrecipebox.blogspot.com/.

I am consolidating my other blogs into one, Mahalo, Donna found at: http://donnagoff.blogspot.com/. So far I have integrated the following:
* Called to Liber is now found under this label: 1. Liber (87) This is where I post about books I have read and epistles I have written to my children about such.
* Going Neo-georgic can now be found under this label: 2. Neo-Georgic (67) This is where I write about family business, gardening and provident living.
* Joyous Help Meet can now be found under this label: 3. Help meet (17) Is where I write about being an Ezer K’negdo.
* My Father’s Study can now be found under this label: 4. His Study (4) Is about nature studies.
* Rejoicing Texts can now be found under this label: 5.Rejoicing Texts (23)
I still need to consolidate:
* Donna Goff’s Cottage School- about homeschooling and education.
* Sons of Valor- about a class that I offered and about raising sons
* Princess Academies- about a class I offered that has turned into an international organization, and about raising daughters
* What’s There To Lose- about my journey back to health

Yes, it appears that I had too many blogs, all of which were pretty low volume and worked more like index tabs to my main blog. Now they will be all in one place. Part of one narrative. Simplifying!